I made it to my dr. & HOORAY! I have a diagnosis...acid reflux, just as I suspected. The thing I love about my dr. is that she is an M.D. that also practices naturopathic remedies. So she gave me an enzyme to use before I eat & then probiotics to get the good flora back into my gut.
Interestingly enough, she said I was the second patient she had within the past two weeks who had oral surgery & then got acid reflux. Food-wise, she told me that I can't eat raw foods (which I am fine with right now because I don't really like salad anyway). I asked her if I could juice & she said 'YES! because it takes out all the rough stuff.' Basically my stomach can't handle heavy meals & roughage so I have to be very delicate with my food for now. She also said it will be a gradual healing process. If I'm not better in a month, then call her. BUT-I am SO HAPPY to have an answer. I don't feel like I am suffering alone anymore inside my head----->I'm not crazy afterall :). Wit woo!!!! Happy Dance!!!!
That is all for now! PEACE!
AJ
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Monday, August 26, 2013
The Tex Files: Overcoming the Mind Fuck
There is a saying in coaching circles, "As you help others you help yourself." Last week I was chatting with a friend when I said, "You just really need to get over the mind fuck that you are not worthy of the super sassy sexy body you desire and the life that goes with it."
Mind. Blown.
Right now I am getting over my own mind fuck. I am getting over making poor choices and deciding that I am worthy of making better choices. More than that I am embracing the fact that I can move safely within this world and no longer need the buffer of blubber around my body.
Getting it together,
~Tex
Mind. Blown.
Right now I am getting over my own mind fuck. I am getting over making poor choices and deciding that I am worthy of making better choices. More than that I am embracing the fact that I can move safely within this world and no longer need the buffer of blubber around my body.
Getting it together,
~Tex
Dj Meli Mel: Checking In
So, I haven't checked in for a while so I want to give an update. I'm doing really good. I actually look forward to my morning workouts now. I can't wait to see my total calories burned when I finish. My weight kind of dropped last week. It had been hovering and just like the bottom fell out, my weight dropped. That in itself has been enough motivation for me to keep going.
Now don't think this is easy! I'm doing my best with food. Weekends are still kind of a train wreck but I can see small improvements. I did a little better this past weekend but I'm still far from perfect. Small changes add up to big changes. My goal is to just keep getting better each week!
Now don't think this is easy! I'm doing my best with food. Weekends are still kind of a train wreck but I can see small improvements. I did a little better this past weekend but I'm still far from perfect. Small changes add up to big changes. My goal is to just keep getting better each week!
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Asian Jamaican: Embarrassment
Today is the first time I've skipped a family function because I am embarrassed that my no no bad fat isn't gone from my body. My cousin had a baby & the Bris was today. I didn't want to go & have to hide under clothes & pretend to be okay with being there while I am self conscious. Now I KNOW I could be way worse off in terms of body shape & how far I have to go, but I just couldn't do it today. After being nauseated for the past two weeks & not being able to get my groove on with food the way I want to, I just couldn't be social.
I finally started back at yoga - which I really like. I just like the way it makes me feel. I sometimes get a wee bit jealous when I see/hear someone talk about how they got their hardcore workout on, but I have to remember that Yoga is where my body is right now. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it because I can feel everything on my body get tight. It's exciting & something to look forward to!
Again, food has been a bit fail & all over the place. I can eat & be okay for a little while & then feel sick again. I had to go through and reread people's journeys on Paleo and how they had flu like symptoms up until 2.5-3 weeks. I've been through this, but I literally become non-functional when I go into fat burning mode. The only thing that makes me feel good is the bad stuff, but I am doing that in moderation mixed in with the good. I Really hope the universe is swinging my way. I am usually a really good manifester, but I am feeling a little lopsided.
Talk to ya soon.
AJ
I finally started back at yoga - which I really like. I just like the way it makes me feel. I sometimes get a wee bit jealous when I see/hear someone talk about how they got their hardcore workout on, but I have to remember that Yoga is where my body is right now. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with it because I can feel everything on my body get tight. It's exciting & something to look forward to!
Again, food has been a bit fail & all over the place. I can eat & be okay for a little while & then feel sick again. I had to go through and reread people's journeys on Paleo and how they had flu like symptoms up until 2.5-3 weeks. I've been through this, but I literally become non-functional when I go into fat burning mode. The only thing that makes me feel good is the bad stuff, but I am doing that in moderation mixed in with the good. I Really hope the universe is swinging my way. I am usually a really good manifester, but I am feeling a little lopsided.
Talk to ya soon.
AJ
The Tex Files: Info Overload
Have any of you experience this? You are tell someone that you are getting healthy. They then proceed to tell you everything that you need to do, eat, follow and swallow?
Ugh. So. Annoying.
How do you deal with this? I want to be polite, but I also want to find my way.
Late last week I found myself crazy busy. Went to some crazy cajun places for dinner with a friend and paid for that fried catfish the next day. The following day food still didn't seem appealing so I got a big ass smoothie to sip on throughout the morning. Someone asked if that was all I was eating, I said it was for the moment. The next twelve minutes was a health debate between no less than six people. I wasn't in a position to tell them all to shut their pie holes (they were clients), but at this point I am still learning, I need to find my own way. What worked for you, may not work for me. However, I clearly know that what I have done in the past didn't work, so don't think that I think I am Ms. Smartypants.
Anyhoo, that is what I have been up to.
Word to your Mother (Nature)
~Tex
Ugh. So. Annoying.
How do you deal with this? I want to be polite, but I also want to find my way.
Late last week I found myself crazy busy. Went to some crazy cajun places for dinner with a friend and paid for that fried catfish the next day. The following day food still didn't seem appealing so I got a big ass smoothie to sip on throughout the morning. Someone asked if that was all I was eating, I said it was for the moment. The next twelve minutes was a health debate between no less than six people. I wasn't in a position to tell them all to shut their pie holes (they were clients), but at this point I am still learning, I need to find my own way. What worked for you, may not work for me. However, I clearly know that what I have done in the past didn't work, so don't think that I think I am Ms. Smartypants.
Anyhoo, that is what I have been up to.
Word to your Mother (Nature)
~Tex
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Asian Jamaican: This is Hard
So like this shit's hard. Ever since my surgery, everything I eat makes me sick to my stomach. I think because I went uber healthy with the juicing & then started eating solid food, it has messed something severely up in my digestive system. I hate this!!! I would give ANYTHING to stop feeling sick. Even drinking water makes me want to hurl. NO I AM NOT PREGNANT - don't even think it. I can't seem to find the right balance with my food as of yet & it's very frustrating for me because all I want to do is move forward.
Sigh...just truckin' along trying to figure out what my body wants me to do. Btw...my glutes are super sore from that yoga class on Monday. Anyway, that's it for now.
AJ
Sigh...just truckin' along trying to figure out what my body wants me to do. Btw...my glutes are super sore from that yoga class on Monday. Anyway, that's it for now.
AJ
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
The Tex Files: Believing is Seeing
We all know the old saying, "Seeing is believing." In Law of Attraction circles you have to believe that something is possible before you can see the manifestation of it. You have to believe it to be true and your belief coupled with action makes your goal possible.
I am having trouble seeing myself healthy. It has been so long since I have been at a healthy weight with minimal health issues that I can't even imagine what that looks like. This makes me sad.
The good news is that I know in my heart that I can create the vision of the best possible me and then work towards that vision.
I guess what I am saying is that the vision is there...it's just out of focus.
Working towards clarity,
Tex
I am having trouble seeing myself healthy. It has been so long since I have been at a healthy weight with minimal health issues that I can't even imagine what that looks like. This makes me sad.
The good news is that I know in my heart that I can create the vision of the best possible me and then work towards that vision.
I guess what I am saying is that the vision is there...it's just out of focus.
Working towards clarity,
Tex
Monday, August 19, 2013
Asian: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE???
OMG-I've been living in serious denial for a long time. I was getting ready to take a shower this morning & caught a glimpse of my right arm in the mirror...I did a double take & realized that I have bat wings, grandma arms, whatever...I kind of knew I had them & my right arm is worse because I had shoulder surgery & ever since then the muscle tone hasn't been the same. Anyway, what I caught a true glimpse of was what kind of fat was hanging out in there. I literally got sick, repulsed & almost threw up. I could see the yellow of my fat in a certain area - you know, the kind you see when people have plastic surgery & they cut out the skin & flip it over & you see the yellow nasty fat. All I can say is that I am sick just writing this.
I see myself every day, but this really hit home. That unhealthy fat is NOT supposed to be on my body. Not for aesthetic reasons, but for just pure health. Ugh...So I feel like today was my Aha moment (as Tex had mentioned). No cupcake, junk food, coke or anything is worth feeling & looking this way. I had a really good lunch date with Tex today & we hit on a lot of the emotional/mental aspect of my life and well, baby steps. But, I feel encouraged & believed in :) That is worth the feelings of detox and cleansing my body.
So, my weekend was kind of a bust in regards to food, but I went to yoga this morning & it literally was like the first time I took Crossfit & I almost threw up. I tried a new studio for convenience, but I am going to sign up at the one I like. I STILL feel sick. I am not drinking a damn coke though!!!! BAT Motherfucking Wings BEGONE....Along with the rest of the unhealthy fat....
I hope everyone is well. XXOO Asian
Saturday, August 17, 2013
AJ's Food Journal
I am just going to keep one long post & write every day in it. That way our blog doesn't get clogged up with daily food journaling.
Saturday, August 17th, 2013
Saturday, August 17th, 2013
- Breakfast:
- 1 organic banana
- 1 cup of organic coffee, 1 tbsp of organic sugar, 1 splash of organic 2% milk
So I totally would have posted more, but my internet has been down for two days now - Thanks Comcast! Let me start over again.
Sunday, August 18th, 2013
- Breakfast
- 1 organic banana
- 1 cup organic coffee, 1 tbsp of organic sugar, 1 splash of organic 2% milk
Monday, August 19th, 2013
- Breakfast
- Same damn cup of coffee
- Snack (Post Yoga)
- Strawberry/Spinach/Apple/Pinapple Juice
- Lunch
- Tuna salad from Field of Greens
- Iced Tea
- Dinner
- Greek Salad from Zoe's Kitchen (darnit-it has milk in it, but NO Gluten)
- Also, I did not eat the pita bread that came with it
- Iced Tea
- Breakfast
- Strawberries
- Same cup of coffee
- Lunch
- Chicken Greek Salad
- Side note - It made me sick (I think it's the egg in the dressing)
- Snacks
- Strawberries
- Dinner
- Veggie fried rice + Green Japanese Salad
Wednesday, August 21st, 2013
- Breakfast
- Strawberries
- Coffee
- Lunch
- Chicken Soup (I was SO PISSED about my lunch - it tasted like soap. I HATE my dishwasher. Either the pot I cooked everything in or the tupperware I warmed it up in had soap resin in it)
- Dinner
- Elevation burger with cheese, lettuce, onion, pickle & Ketchup. This was not gluten free, but I really needed some food today. I was feeling sick all day & needed something more substantial. The cool thing is that Elevation burger uses all 100% organic grass fed beef. Check 'em out!
Monday, September 9th, 2013
- Breakfast
- just young thai coconut water
- snack was coffee with organic half & half & a tbls of organic sugar
- Lunch
- Two eggs fried in organic butter + gluten free clean breakfast sauage
- Dinner
- FOUND AN AWESOME RESTAURANT WITH PALEO MEALS
- I had the turkey bolognese with spaghetti squash & my hubby had their paleo hot wings. YUM
Thursday, August 15, 2013
The Tex Files: The Hunger Games
I find that I ask myself, "Am I hungry?" several times a day. I have have done my best to eat every few hours but every now and then there is a rumbly in my tummy and I ask, "Am I hungry?"
What I find odd is that many times I AM indeed hungry and it's during those times that I have to give myself permission to eat something. I have stood in my kitchen and said out loud, "Yes, Tex this is hunger. It's ok to eat." I think that is chock full of nuts and source material for LifeTime Movies. However I have done some poking around the inter webs and it's seems that you are SUPPOSED to ask yourself if you are hungry before you get your grub on! Who knew?
I have no idea if I have lost any weight. The stress of my life has kind of gotten to me. I will say this: being focused on my health has kept me sane and for that I am grateful.
Go get your health on!
Tex
What I find odd is that many times I AM indeed hungry and it's during those times that I have to give myself permission to eat something. I have stood in my kitchen and said out loud, "Yes, Tex this is hunger. It's ok to eat." I think that is chock full of nuts and source material for LifeTime Movies. However I have done some poking around the inter webs and it's seems that you are SUPPOSED to ask yourself if you are hungry before you get your grub on! Who knew?
I have no idea if I have lost any weight. The stress of my life has kind of gotten to me. I will say this: being focused on my health has kept me sane and for that I am grateful.
Go get your health on!
Tex
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
Asian Jamaican: Revisiting Whole Foods
First of all, it's Wednesday & I still haven't had my 34 (I don't know why I didn't put 32) oz of water. But, I am not going to kick myself for it. I am going through everything that DJ & Tex have been talking about: Feeling a little entitled, getting off routine, not being prepared. Oh Lawd, I need to get rid of the entitlement and get on my routine by being prepared. I will say this, for once I am not beating myself up for what I would consider failure. The magic is in my mental state of being. Something really resonated & clicked for me in my call with Tex. My energy levels have been surprisingly good. I haven't felt good energy in a really long time. I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to have her as a coach :)!
I am getting back to eating whole foods. I had about two cups of raspberries for breakfast & two bananas for my morning snack. Dinner/lunch wasn't as healthy, but I felt really good with the whole food breakfast. I am beginning to gravitate towards what my body feels it needs which is fruits & veggies with some protein thrown in there. When I first started my journey to lose 50 lbs last year, I was strictly Paleo. But now I feel like if it grows out of the ground, swims, flies or runs I eat it. If I want a freaking banana I eat it. Too much sugar? Really? A 32 oz coke is too much sugar! I am wrastling with getting my eating down first. That will come to fruition by this weekend - promise!!!
Here is how I envision my days as far as food goes:
Wake up - drink water
Make a juice or eat a ton of fruit
Lunch will be a homemade chicken soup or something with good protein
In between will be green juices
Light dinner
I can survive on that. Oh-I'll also eat when I am hungry. I don't believe in starving myself.
So I figured out what's going to get me on routine. I have to have my place of serenity in my home. The reason I haven't gotten everything down at the moment is I am busy cleaning up my condo & creating a sacred space for me to be in. I am about 95% done & plan on being finished by this weekend. SO EXCITED. Then I can just focus on cooking & prepping for my days!!!
I have to wait til the 15th to sign up for yoga because that's when I get paid. One thing I am excited about is I am taking a trapeze class in September!! I contacted one of my friends who is already taking from this place & she said she wanted to pick up another class. So lo & behold we will be trapeze artists <insert mad giggling>!
I got my stitches out today & have to go back to the periodontist on October 16th. That's two months from now & I want to make a dent in my goals by then. Good health = good healthy gums, eh?
Ok, sorry I tend to ramble. I am so glad to see Tex & DJ Meli Mel forging ahead. That too makes me want to push ahead. We are so going to go forth & conquer!!! xo Asian
Dj Meli Mel: Support
I have to confess. Today is the first day I have felt the support that writing this blog is all about. I'm not saying the support wasn't there, because it was. I just fully felt it today: twice.
First, I've been in a migraine fog since last night. I wasn't able to do my workout this morning because of the headache. All day I have been tired, a little grumpy, and just not myself. My typical solution to a day like this would be with food. My thoughts were hovering around a cupcake all afternoon. It was because of this blog and my goals that I stayed strong and chose to have a protein shake instead. This is a big step for me. I would normally just eat the damn cupcake. Lol
Second, I sat down to write my blog today and was reading through Tex and Asian Jamaican's posts and comments. I finally felt like I wasn't in this all by myself. I felt their struggles along with their hugs of support. The three of us don't live right around the corner from each other. We all have very busy lives. This blog is pretty much my only form of communication with them, aside from a random text here or there.
Maybe I should re-title this post to "Thank You" because I owe Tex and Asian Jamaican a big one. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for including me in this journey. Thank you for your encouraging comments. Thank you for your support.
First, I've been in a migraine fog since last night. I wasn't able to do my workout this morning because of the headache. All day I have been tired, a little grumpy, and just not myself. My typical solution to a day like this would be with food. My thoughts were hovering around a cupcake all afternoon. It was because of this blog and my goals that I stayed strong and chose to have a protein shake instead. This is a big step for me. I would normally just eat the damn cupcake. Lol
Second, I sat down to write my blog today and was reading through Tex and Asian Jamaican's posts and comments. I finally felt like I wasn't in this all by myself. I felt their struggles along with their hugs of support. The three of us don't live right around the corner from each other. We all have very busy lives. This blog is pretty much my only form of communication with them, aside from a random text here or there.
Maybe I should re-title this post to "Thank You" because I owe Tex and Asian Jamaican a big one. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for including me in this journey. Thank you for your encouraging comments. Thank you for your support.
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
The Tex Files: My Body Is A Wonderland
I have been doing pretty well with the eating every few hours. (Yea Me!) I am still recovering from having blood clots in my lungs and tend to forget that at times.
I worked my part time job on Saturday and did a little too much. Took me all day Sunday and half of Monday to recover. Monday afternoon I popped in a workout dvd and was winded after the warm up. It made me sad. As I told my doctor a few weeks ago, "I may be a big girl, but I DO lead a very active lifestyle!" Or at least I did. Up until the blood clots I did Night Club Cardio, I rode my bike, I could climb stairs and wash my hair without being winded and just went about the business of being Tex.
I was about to get frustrated when it dawned on me that my body has been put through the ringer and it's still here. It's. Still. Here.
I. Am. Still. Here.
It's been less than eight weeks since I was in the hospital. Am I slower than before? Yes, but who cares. I am still here. Do minor pains and aches pop up at unexpected times and places? Yes, but I am still here. All the hatred I had for my body for not looking or feeling how I feel it should is all just bullshit. My body is a wonderland, even if I am not the subject of epic poems or pop songs.
I think I finally get it.
So this was my Oprah, "A ha" moment. What was yours? When did you finally get it and started getting it together? Share and stuff!
I worked my part time job on Saturday and did a little too much. Took me all day Sunday and half of Monday to recover. Monday afternoon I popped in a workout dvd and was winded after the warm up. It made me sad. As I told my doctor a few weeks ago, "I may be a big girl, but I DO lead a very active lifestyle!" Or at least I did. Up until the blood clots I did Night Club Cardio, I rode my bike, I could climb stairs and wash my hair without being winded and just went about the business of being Tex.
I was about to get frustrated when it dawned on me that my body has been put through the ringer and it's still here. It's. Still. Here.
I. Am. Still. Here.
It's been less than eight weeks since I was in the hospital. Am I slower than before? Yes, but who cares. I am still here. Do minor pains and aches pop up at unexpected times and places? Yes, but I am still here. All the hatred I had for my body for not looking or feeling how I feel it should is all just bullshit. My body is a wonderland, even if I am not the subject of epic poems or pop songs.
I think I finally get it.
So this was my Oprah, "A ha" moment. What was yours? When did you finally get it and started getting it together? Share and stuff!
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Asian Jamaican - "How in the World are you Goin' to See, Laughing at Fools Like Me?"
I'm starting this post without a title per say because I have so much to say. I hope everyone has carb loaded because I think this may be a long post.
I want to start this evening with my Goals - Weekly & Long Term.
-This Week's Goal: My goal this week is to drink 34 oz's of water a day
-I don't drink enough of anything, so getting in 34 oz's is going to be a bump up for me
-Long Term: My goals long term are....
So something else I want to talk about is the mental aspect of losing weight. I was at one point in time a personal fitness trainer & a good one at that. I had some really shitty experiences throughout my working experience and got very disillusioned with the industry & just quit. Having said all that, I never experienced the mental aspect of weight gain/loss until I gained weight. Since around February of this year, some crazy shit went down in my life which turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me - BUT I don't handle stress/life's surprises very well and I started gaining weight again. I call it survival, but it's not an excuse. Anyway, I am grateful for the friends I have because if it weren't for the close friends I do have I think I would be stuck in a perpetual state of <in the words of Tex> cock blocking my blessings.
This past Friday, Tex & I had an amazing coaching call. Did Y'all Know TEX is a Law of Attraction Coach in training? And a Really Really GOOD one at that. I don't think she realizes her talent to its fullest extent because it just comes naturally to her. I asked her if we could talk a little bit before she started recording my call & Boy HOWDY did the tears flow from eyes. Poor Tex - I don't think she's ever heard me blubber on like that. I was having a really hard time with processing disappointment coupled with expectations because I am by nature a sensitive person & sometimes I feel all alone because no one really understands that I feel 10 times more than the average person. The feelings I go through is in all aspects for me mentally, emotionally & physically. She helped me center myself and then we started our call. We did an exercise with scripting where I scripted out how I am to reach my YOGA BODY status :D. What we came up with is I need a routine. I remember DJ Meli Mel talked about that & I am getting right on board with her. Without it, I am ALL over the place. So we ended our call & I felt so light, calm, LOVED and a sense of direction. I am so grateful that our call happened. So grateful...
The BEST PART OF MY CALL WITH TEX is the dream I had that night. Instant Karma by John Lennon was playing & I kept seeing flashes of people achieving their goals making the world a better place. Then towards the end of the song I walked into a huge classroom setting & John Lennon was standing there circa 1980 with longish hair & a beard and he smiled at me. Full eye contact and smiled. I woke up smiling. I can't remember the last time that happened. I think this was twofold because remember when Nike used this song for their commercials? Just Do It Man...Let's all get off our asses & Just Do It! (By the way, did y'all know I am a High Maintenance Hippie Princess?)
I hope this wasn't too long. So the Title of this Post is a lyric ripped from John Lennon's Instant Karma. Anyway - Peace & Love & Don't forget to Smile! Asian
I want to start this evening with my Goals - Weekly & Long Term.
-This Week's Goal: My goal this week is to drink 34 oz's of water a day
-I don't drink enough of anything, so getting in 34 oz's is going to be a bump up for me
-Long Term: My goals long term are....
- Overall Health
- Drop Body Fat - Actually MELT it off my body
- Strengthen my muscles
- Lean Out
So something else I want to talk about is the mental aspect of losing weight. I was at one point in time a personal fitness trainer & a good one at that. I had some really shitty experiences throughout my working experience and got very disillusioned with the industry & just quit. Having said all that, I never experienced the mental aspect of weight gain/loss until I gained weight. Since around February of this year, some crazy shit went down in my life which turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me - BUT I don't handle stress/life's surprises very well and I started gaining weight again. I call it survival, but it's not an excuse. Anyway, I am grateful for the friends I have because if it weren't for the close friends I do have I think I would be stuck in a perpetual state of <in the words of Tex> cock blocking my blessings.
This past Friday, Tex & I had an amazing coaching call. Did Y'all Know TEX is a Law of Attraction Coach in training? And a Really Really GOOD one at that. I don't think she realizes her talent to its fullest extent because it just comes naturally to her. I asked her if we could talk a little bit before she started recording my call & Boy HOWDY did the tears flow from eyes. Poor Tex - I don't think she's ever heard me blubber on like that. I was having a really hard time with processing disappointment coupled with expectations because I am by nature a sensitive person & sometimes I feel all alone because no one really understands that I feel 10 times more than the average person. The feelings I go through is in all aspects for me mentally, emotionally & physically. She helped me center myself and then we started our call. We did an exercise with scripting where I scripted out how I am to reach my YOGA BODY status :D. What we came up with is I need a routine. I remember DJ Meli Mel talked about that & I am getting right on board with her. Without it, I am ALL over the place. So we ended our call & I felt so light, calm, LOVED and a sense of direction. I am so grateful that our call happened. So grateful...
The BEST PART OF MY CALL WITH TEX is the dream I had that night. Instant Karma by John Lennon was playing & I kept seeing flashes of people achieving their goals making the world a better place. Then towards the end of the song I walked into a huge classroom setting & John Lennon was standing there circa 1980 with longish hair & a beard and he smiled at me. Full eye contact and smiled. I woke up smiling. I can't remember the last time that happened. I think this was twofold because remember when Nike used this song for their commercials? Just Do It Man...Let's all get off our asses & Just Do It! (By the way, did y'all know I am a High Maintenance Hippie Princess?)
I hope this wasn't too long. So the Title of this Post is a lyric ripped from John Lennon's Instant Karma. Anyway - Peace & Love & Don't forget to Smile! Asian
Friday, August 9, 2013
DJ Meli Mel: Blah
I have been very blah for the past week. I got two workouts in and did ok on my food but still not great. On the bright side, I haven't given up yet. Gotta celebrate the small victories.
I have noticed my biggest struggles are with dinner and weekends. I do good with my food all day but then I get to dinner and I want to eat junk. For some reason I have the mindset that I "deserve" to eat junk on the weekends. I'm not sure where this feeling of entitlement has come from but it's really fucking me up!
Next week I want to really try to get daily exercise. This is tough with an almost 4 year old but I have to stop making excuses. I only have a couple more weeks before my little guy goes back to preschool. He only goes three days a week but it will be amazing to have that time to workout with no worries.
I will find my way!
DJ Meli Mel
I have noticed my biggest struggles are with dinner and weekends. I do good with my food all day but then I get to dinner and I want to eat junk. For some reason I have the mindset that I "deserve" to eat junk on the weekends. I'm not sure where this feeling of entitlement has come from but it's really fucking me up!
Next week I want to really try to get daily exercise. This is tough with an almost 4 year old but I have to stop making excuses. I only have a couple more weeks before my little guy goes back to preschool. He only goes three days a week but it will be amazing to have that time to workout with no worries.
I will find my way!
DJ Meli Mel
Thursday, August 8, 2013
The Tex Files: That's What He Said
As a woman of size I am acutely aware of food. Where it is. How much there is. If anyone is watching me eat etc. People tell me that I am paranoid but it's not paranoia if it's true!
Last week (before I got the Food As Fuel thing) I spent the day with a girlfriend running big girl errands like getting the car inspected and going to court. I got up early, ran to the bank and picked up a smoothie. I didn't carry my big ass tote so I didn't have my snacks but that was ok...I had a plan. Yeah, my plan went to shit and there I was sweating and starving at the tax assessors office trying my hardest not to pass out before my number was called and my friend had to call 911. I didn't pass out but I did get my car registered! As soon as we left the tax assessors office we walked across the street and I got a Naked Protein shake and beef stick. All I heard was my friend KFlo in my ear saying, "Bitch, get you some protein!" Downed the shake and the shakes were gone so off we went to lunch.
Lunch was at a neighborhood sandwich shop that is know for their large portion. I only ate half my sandwich (portion control, baby!) but I had just downed a shake and went at the beef stick as if it was the last piece of beef I'd ever have in my mouth. (Get your minds out of the gutter lol.) Anywhoo, later we'd ended up meeting a guy friend of mine and I gave him the other half of my big ass sandwich. We all hung out for a bit, took my girlfriend home and then several hours later me and dude were chilling at a burger joint. He ordered this massive chicken fried steak burger. I had a grilled cheese. He ate his burger with, uh lets say gusto while I practiced my dainty bites and chewing my food 38 times. This is where it get uncomfortable.
This guy has been in my life on and off for over 25 years. He was my high school boyfriend. He knows me with a capital K and bold face n-o-w-e-s. So we have that kind of bust your balls friendship but still I was taken aback when he asked, "Are you starving yourself?"
Aww, shit. Really? "Uh, no. Why are you asking? Quite rudely I may add."
"Tex, I am not being rude. I'm asking because you gave me half of your lunch and now you are picking at a grilled cheese. You nearly died from that crazy diet. Remember?! I'm just making sure that you don't die. Eat for Christ sakes." It's true, he wasn't being rude. There was genuine concern in his voice and I saw it in his eyes. He was just looking out for me, like he always does. Still it made nervous that he noticed and even more so that he just blurted his concern out. I know that I should be grateful that I have people in my life who care but still...
So what I want to know from you guys is this: Am I a hypersensitive food freak or do people in general take notice of how and what you eat? Especially if you announced to your loved ones that you are on a "diet" or some other lifestyle change?
Holla if you hear me,
Tex
PS: Me and the food schedule are doing well. Patting myself on the back with THAT ONE. Stopwatch was an epic idea :-)
Last week (before I got the Food As Fuel thing) I spent the day with a girlfriend running big girl errands like getting the car inspected and going to court. I got up early, ran to the bank and picked up a smoothie. I didn't carry my big ass tote so I didn't have my snacks but that was ok...I had a plan. Yeah, my plan went to shit and there I was sweating and starving at the tax assessors office trying my hardest not to pass out before my number was called and my friend had to call 911. I didn't pass out but I did get my car registered! As soon as we left the tax assessors office we walked across the street and I got a Naked Protein shake and beef stick. All I heard was my friend KFlo in my ear saying, "Bitch, get you some protein!" Downed the shake and the shakes were gone so off we went to lunch.
Lunch was at a neighborhood sandwich shop that is know for their large portion. I only ate half my sandwich (portion control, baby!) but I had just downed a shake and went at the beef stick as if it was the last piece of beef I'd ever have in my mouth. (Get your minds out of the gutter lol.) Anywhoo, later we'd ended up meeting a guy friend of mine and I gave him the other half of my big ass sandwich. We all hung out for a bit, took my girlfriend home and then several hours later me and dude were chilling at a burger joint. He ordered this massive chicken fried steak burger. I had a grilled cheese. He ate his burger with, uh lets say gusto while I practiced my dainty bites and chewing my food 38 times. This is where it get uncomfortable.
This guy has been in my life on and off for over 25 years. He was my high school boyfriend. He knows me with a capital K and bold face n-o-w-e-s. So we have that kind of bust your balls friendship but still I was taken aback when he asked, "Are you starving yourself?"
Aww, shit. Really? "Uh, no. Why are you asking? Quite rudely I may add."
"Tex, I am not being rude. I'm asking because you gave me half of your lunch and now you are picking at a grilled cheese. You nearly died from that crazy diet. Remember?! I'm just making sure that you don't die. Eat for Christ sakes." It's true, he wasn't being rude. There was genuine concern in his voice and I saw it in his eyes. He was just looking out for me, like he always does. Still it made nervous that he noticed and even more so that he just blurted his concern out. I know that I should be grateful that I have people in my life who care but still...
So what I want to know from you guys is this: Am I a hypersensitive food freak or do people in general take notice of how and what you eat? Especially if you announced to your loved ones that you are on a "diet" or some other lifestyle change?
Holla if you hear me,
Tex
PS: Me and the food schedule are doing well. Patting myself on the back with THAT ONE. Stopwatch was an epic idea :-)
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Asian Jamaican: I feel like a crack addict
Day 6.5 of no solids- this shit hasn't gotten any better. I had ONE surgery and feel like healing is going so slowly. I have been nauseous for the past three days & I still can't tell if it's detox, not enough nourishment, I just don't know. I don't know How you did it DJ Meli Mel, but I admire your strength more than you can imagine. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that for the past two years. I almost feel ashamed to complain about mine. But alas, it is my life right here right now.
Anyway, I feel like a crack addict because I know the one thing that will make me not nauseous is a coke. If I drink a coke, then I put horrible chemicals back in my body, but I feel better. No more sweats, nausea, feeling like hammered shit. So what do I do? I take like two sips til the nausea subsides. I'm sorry - I feel like I am letting myself down & you guys, but at least it's not a 32 ounce it's the first sip I've had in 6 days. Plus I don't plan on going back to soft drinks at all. I think it's a combo of malnourishment, healing & detoxing.
One thing I've learned from all this is whatever your journey is - do what works for you. I now know that just juicing and just liquids isn't for me. Maybe if I didn't have to work, have a husband, etc. that would work for me. When I am able bodied - i.e. not sick, fatigued, blah blah blah I plan on hitting up the Paleo way of eating again. I LOVE juicing, but it'll be supplemental. I guess the one good thing of starving for almost a week is I am down 6 lbs. But I want a healthy & meaningful journey to my yoga body.
It's right around this weight that I seem to stall out. I hit a plateau & I know I am not at my ideal weight because it's all fat. I know too much fat on my body is not good. There's some kind of mind fuck going on at the 155 mark for me (my goal is to get to a healthy 125-130) lbs). Hmmmm....Well, I hope everyone is well. I'll see y'all on Sunday! xxoo - Asian
Anyway, I feel like a crack addict because I know the one thing that will make me not nauseous is a coke. If I drink a coke, then I put horrible chemicals back in my body, but I feel better. No more sweats, nausea, feeling like hammered shit. So what do I do? I take like two sips til the nausea subsides. I'm sorry - I feel like I am letting myself down & you guys, but at least it's not a 32 ounce it's the first sip I've had in 6 days. Plus I don't plan on going back to soft drinks at all. I think it's a combo of malnourishment, healing & detoxing.
One thing I've learned from all this is whatever your journey is - do what works for you. I now know that just juicing and just liquids isn't for me. Maybe if I didn't have to work, have a husband, etc. that would work for me. When I am able bodied - i.e. not sick, fatigued, blah blah blah I plan on hitting up the Paleo way of eating again. I LOVE juicing, but it'll be supplemental. I guess the one good thing of starving for almost a week is I am down 6 lbs. But I want a healthy & meaningful journey to my yoga body.
It's right around this weight that I seem to stall out. I hit a plateau & I know I am not at my ideal weight because it's all fat. I know too much fat on my body is not good. There's some kind of mind fuck going on at the 155 mark for me (my goal is to get to a healthy 125-130) lbs). Hmmmm....Well, I hope everyone is well. I'll see y'all on Sunday! xxoo - Asian
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
The Tex Files: Food As Fuel, Fool!
I am enjoying this little adventure into my health.
Since I lost my Big Girl Job two weeks ago I have been back part time at both of the fitness studios I that I used to work for. I work Saturdays at one of them and it's usually very long days. This week I thought I was being smart by taking some grub. Uh, not so much and here is where I got a big lesson in Food As Fuel.
Saturday morning I hopped up and made myself a smoothie. Ok, I tossed some fruit in with my protein shake and it kind of tasted like liquid ass but that is not the point. In my mind it was, "Look at me! I'm drinking breakfast!" Woot! I packed a sandwich, something to drink and some peanut butter crackers. I had half a sandwich at ten o'clock and the other at one o'clock and Dyson'd those crackers at three. NOT. ENOUGH. FUEL for the job that I was doing which is a ton of customer service that takes quite a bit out of me.
A friend had text me to come over after work she wanted to take me to eat. One thing led to another and my day got longer and longer and longer and the next thing I knew I was shaky and walking like Ed Lover. My boss had left to run an errand and my coworkers went all Drink Yer Juice on me. Ok maybe it wasn't THAT dramatic but I did get offers of candy AND juice! Anyway, my friend lives less than five minutes from the studio so when my boss came back I went there to "get it together." I felt stupid. My medical issues have escalated in the last 18 months. I know that there is a learning curve but I feel like some health short busser. Like I can't seem to ever "get it together."
Today I was back at the studio getting my resume together and my Best Friend IM'ed me to ask if I had eaten. I told her that I had and was even going to the grocery store to get food for the rest of the day. I am PMSing like a muther fucker and it's as hot as the devil's balls here in Houston. All I want is liquid and snack food. Best Friend congratulated me on being mindful of the grub but she also reminded me that I needed to eat full meal because, "...you get over emotional when you don't." <----THAT is an understatement. Like my mania, I don't know that I have gone too long without food until I am "over the crazy hump." By the time that I feel bad it's too late. My mind is mush, I can't think, I feel my body breaking down and then I break down. It's not a pretty sight to behold. Believe me.
Today, I smarten up and used my fancy pants phone for something more than Spotify. After every meal I set my stopwatch for three hours. Badda boom...badda bing...SCHEDULE! And wonders of wonders...no melt down and my day went off without a hitch.
I think I am finally getting this Food As Fuel thing. Eat enough to fuel my body for the task at hand. If I am sitting on my ass watching Real Housewives of Moscow, I need different fuel than if I am about to do an hour of Night Club Cardio. Plan ahead. People don't plan to fail they fail to plan. So if I know that I am going to be going balls to the wall all day, pack a snack and just like you are supposed to always know where the exits are...I am always to know when's my next meal. It's a very simple concept but I have to admit it's not easy.
Hook a sistah up in the comments with your favorite take along snack or how you space your meals. I could use the help.
Spanx in advance,
TX
PS: I was some kind of crazy when I said I was going to walk my neighborhood four times a week. It's almost midnight here and it's still close to 90 degrees. I'm going to have to pull out some dvd's or something until I can get back on my fitness plan.
Since I lost my Big Girl Job two weeks ago I have been back part time at both of the fitness studios I that I used to work for. I work Saturdays at one of them and it's usually very long days. This week I thought I was being smart by taking some grub. Uh, not so much and here is where I got a big lesson in Food As Fuel.
Saturday morning I hopped up and made myself a smoothie. Ok, I tossed some fruit in with my protein shake and it kind of tasted like liquid ass but that is not the point. In my mind it was, "Look at me! I'm drinking breakfast!" Woot! I packed a sandwich, something to drink and some peanut butter crackers. I had half a sandwich at ten o'clock and the other at one o'clock and Dyson'd those crackers at three. NOT. ENOUGH. FUEL for the job that I was doing which is a ton of customer service that takes quite a bit out of me.
A friend had text me to come over after work she wanted to take me to eat. One thing led to another and my day got longer and longer and longer and the next thing I knew I was shaky and walking like Ed Lover. My boss had left to run an errand and my coworkers went all Drink Yer Juice on me. Ok maybe it wasn't THAT dramatic but I did get offers of candy AND juice! Anyway, my friend lives less than five minutes from the studio so when my boss came back I went there to "get it together." I felt stupid. My medical issues have escalated in the last 18 months. I know that there is a learning curve but I feel like some health short busser. Like I can't seem to ever "get it together."
Today I was back at the studio getting my resume together and my Best Friend IM'ed me to ask if I had eaten. I told her that I had and was even going to the grocery store to get food for the rest of the day. I am PMSing like a muther fucker and it's as hot as the devil's balls here in Houston. All I want is liquid and snack food. Best Friend congratulated me on being mindful of the grub but she also reminded me that I needed to eat full meal because, "...you get over emotional when you don't." <----THAT is an understatement. Like my mania, I don't know that I have gone too long without food until I am "over the crazy hump." By the time that I feel bad it's too late. My mind is mush, I can't think, I feel my body breaking down and then I break down. It's not a pretty sight to behold. Believe me.
Today, I smarten up and used my fancy pants phone for something more than Spotify. After every meal I set my stopwatch for three hours. Badda boom...badda bing...SCHEDULE! And wonders of wonders...no melt down and my day went off without a hitch.
I think I am finally getting this Food As Fuel thing. Eat enough to fuel my body for the task at hand. If I am sitting on my ass watching Real Housewives of Moscow, I need different fuel than if I am about to do an hour of Night Club Cardio. Plan ahead. People don't plan to fail they fail to plan. So if I know that I am going to be going balls to the wall all day, pack a snack and just like you are supposed to always know where the exits are...I am always to know when's my next meal. It's a very simple concept but I have to admit it's not easy.
Hook a sistah up in the comments with your favorite take along snack or how you space your meals. I could use the help.
Spanx in advance,
TX
PS: I was some kind of crazy when I said I was going to walk my neighborhood four times a week. It's almost midnight here and it's still close to 90 degrees. I'm going to have to pull out some dvd's or something until I can get back on my fitness plan.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Asian Jamaican: Invasive
So my surgery is considered minor surgery, but after 3 days I've been checking out my pie hole & it's pretty invasive. One of my stitches fell out today, but oddly enough I didn't spazz out & freak out. I tried weaning myself off my pain meds today, but that didn't work too well because I ended up taking 1.5 within a certain time frame & it knocked me out. Needless to say, I am just going to have to take 1 full pill til I run out. It makes smiling and talking really hard. They grafted from the roof of my mouth & then stitched it to my gum area. So the right side of my mouth is out commission :( I need to keep reminding myself that it actually was surgery & need to heal!
The good news is that I am losing weight from soups, juicing & potatoes. My overall guess is that at this point my calories are next to nothing. I do okay until around lunch time & then I lose my shit. I get really hot, sweat bullets, feel like my head is expanding and contracting, I get nauseated. So I drink something and it somewhat goes away. I really wish I knew someone who is an expert on detoxing because I feel that's what I am going through. I think meds are making me feel all fucked up too, but I've seen the inside of my mouth & am going to do whatever it takes to heal healthfully! I am not going through this again, BUT I am grateful it is giving me the chance to reboot. Let go of sugar, dairy, gluten. I haven't chewed anything in a little over 3 days. I really think I may give this juicing thing a go for longer than a week.
My skin is still very itchy! I was up til 3 am itching. WTF? Yeah..I hope I fall asleep right away this time when I take my meds. And the skin on my face is not supple yet. It's kind of dried out with these little bumps over it. It doesn't look like acne, but I am not sure what it is.
No exercise still, just a lot of rest and fluids. I am super duper tired right now, but I am steaming my broccoli & cauliflower so I can make a mash up of healthy food. Ok, signing out. Asian.
The good news is that I am losing weight from soups, juicing & potatoes. My overall guess is that at this point my calories are next to nothing. I do okay until around lunch time & then I lose my shit. I get really hot, sweat bullets, feel like my head is expanding and contracting, I get nauseated. So I drink something and it somewhat goes away. I really wish I knew someone who is an expert on detoxing because I feel that's what I am going through. I think meds are making me feel all fucked up too, but I've seen the inside of my mouth & am going to do whatever it takes to heal healthfully! I am not going through this again, BUT I am grateful it is giving me the chance to reboot. Let go of sugar, dairy, gluten. I haven't chewed anything in a little over 3 days. I really think I may give this juicing thing a go for longer than a week.
My skin is still very itchy! I was up til 3 am itching. WTF? Yeah..I hope I fall asleep right away this time when I take my meds. And the skin on my face is not supple yet. It's kind of dried out with these little bumps over it. It doesn't look like acne, but I am not sure what it is.
No exercise still, just a lot of rest and fluids. I am super duper tired right now, but I am steaming my broccoli & cauliflower so I can make a mash up of healthy food. Ok, signing out. Asian.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Asian Jamaican: Hooray!
Ladies-y'all have brightened my day!! I am with both you on the detox thing. I had oral surgery Thursday at high noon and have been on soft foods since. I have been juicing and at most eating mashed potatoes. Healing from surgery + detoxing + PMS is the makings of a homicidal maniac, but I am persevering because 1) I want to 2) DJ & Tex are doing it too!!!
I haven't weighed myself since surgery & probably won't until after I get back on solid foods. I am in some sort of masochistic way happy that I am being forced to drink vegetables & fruit so my body can reap the benefits. Definitely no exercise for at least a week. Oh & I can't have solid food til this coming Thursday, but I might stick with the juicing if I can handle it for another week or at least until I get my stitches out.
Not much else going on here. I wish I had money for 3 juicers at one time. I love my new juicer, but it makes such small quantities. Oh & Vicodin makes me itch!! It's so weird...I feel like a meth head that is tweaking and has to scratch everywhere.
Anyway, I am PROUD of my SISTERS!!! We got this ladies!!! LOVE YOU!!!
Asian
I haven't weighed myself since surgery & probably won't until after I get back on solid foods. I am in some sort of masochistic way happy that I am being forced to drink vegetables & fruit so my body can reap the benefits. Definitely no exercise for at least a week. Oh & I can't have solid food til this coming Thursday, but I might stick with the juicing if I can handle it for another week or at least until I get my stitches out.
Not much else going on here. I wish I had money for 3 juicers at one time. I love my new juicer, but it makes such small quantities. Oh & Vicodin makes me itch!! It's so weird...I feel like a meth head that is tweaking and has to scratch everywhere.
Anyway, I am PROUD of my SISTERS!!! We got this ladies!!! LOVE YOU!!!
Asian
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Tex Files: Shit Just Got Real
Today was my official start day. And it was rough. Not so much with the food. I made sure that something was in my pie hole every three hours or so. It was rough because I had to play against type and put myself first. I had to say, "No" and mean it and I had to hold my ground when I wanted to fall apart.
There is a line in the movie Wit that says, "The effort must be total for the reward to be meaningful." Today my effort was total and though I am heartbroken and have heartburn I am banking on waking up tomorrow and creating a meaning life. This I know...is what I deserve.
I will now cry myself to sleep.
There is a line in the movie Wit that says, "The effort must be total for the reward to be meaningful." Today my effort was total and though I am heartbroken and have heartburn I am banking on waking up tomorrow and creating a meaning life. This I know...is what I deserve.
I will now cry myself to sleep.
DJ Meli Mel: Still Alive
I'm still here Asian Jamaican! I won't leave you hanging.
I started back on track Monday and felt like total shit until today. I had headaches, dizziness, and I was extremely grumpy. Detoxing ain't no joke! Feeling so bad after only being off plan for a few days has helped me not want to stray. I have not been getting in my workouts but that's because I've been feeling so bad. I'm looking forward to getting back to running. I feel like I'm dying while doing it, but always feel amazing after. I miss it!
I started back on track Monday and felt like total shit until today. I had headaches, dizziness, and I was extremely grumpy. Detoxing ain't no joke! Feeling so bad after only being off plan for a few days has helped me not want to stray. I have not been getting in my workouts but that's because I've been feeling so bad. I'm looking forward to getting back to running. I feel like I'm dying while doing it, but always feel amazing after. I miss it!
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