As a woman of size I am acutely aware of food. Where it is. How much there is. If anyone is watching me eat etc. People tell me that I am paranoid but it's not paranoia if it's true!
Last week (before I got the Food As Fuel thing) I spent the day with a girlfriend running big girl errands like getting the car inspected and going to court. I got up early, ran to the bank and picked up a smoothie. I didn't carry my big ass tote so I didn't have my snacks but that was ok...I had a plan. Yeah, my plan went to shit and there I was sweating and starving at the tax assessors office trying my hardest not to pass out before my number was called and my friend had to call 911. I didn't pass out but I did get my car registered! As soon as we left the tax assessors office we walked across the street and I got a Naked Protein shake and beef stick. All I heard was my friend KFlo in my ear saying, "Bitch, get you some protein!" Downed the shake and the shakes were gone so off we went to lunch.
Lunch was at a neighborhood sandwich shop that is know for their large portion. I only ate half my sandwich (portion control, baby!) but I had just downed a shake and went at the beef stick as if it was the last piece of beef I'd ever have in my mouth. (Get your minds out of the gutter lol.) Anywhoo, later we'd ended up meeting a guy friend of mine and I gave him the other half of my big ass sandwich. We all hung out for a bit, took my girlfriend home and then several hours later me and dude were chilling at a burger joint. He ordered this massive chicken fried steak burger. I had a grilled cheese. He ate his burger with, uh lets say gusto while I practiced my dainty bites and chewing my food 38 times. This is where it get uncomfortable.
This guy has been in my life on and off for over 25 years. He was my high school boyfriend. He knows me with a capital K and bold face n-o-w-e-s. So we have that kind of bust your balls friendship but still I was taken aback when he asked, "Are you starving yourself?"
Aww, shit. Really? "Uh, no. Why are you asking? Quite rudely I may add."
"Tex, I am not being rude. I'm asking because you gave me half of your lunch and now you are picking at a grilled cheese. You nearly died from that crazy diet. Remember?! I'm just making sure that you don't die. Eat for Christ sakes." It's true, he wasn't being rude. There was genuine concern in his voice and I saw it in his eyes. He was just looking out for me, like he always does. Still it made nervous that he noticed and even more so that he just blurted his concern out. I know that I should be grateful that I have people in my life who care but still...
So what I want to know from you guys is this: Am I a hypersensitive food freak or do people in general take notice of how and what you eat? Especially if you announced to your loved ones that you are on a "diet" or some other lifestyle change?
Holla if you hear me,
Tex
PS: Me and the food schedule are doing well. Patting myself on the back with THAT ONE. Stopwatch was an epic idea :-)
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Asian Jamaican: I feel like a crack addict
Day 6.5 of no solids- this shit hasn't gotten any better. I had ONE surgery and feel like healing is going so slowly. I have been nauseous for the past three days & I still can't tell if it's detox, not enough nourishment, I just don't know. I don't know How you did it DJ Meli Mel, but I admire your strength more than you can imagine. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that for the past two years. I almost feel ashamed to complain about mine. But alas, it is my life right here right now.
Anyway, I feel like a crack addict because I know the one thing that will make me not nauseous is a coke. If I drink a coke, then I put horrible chemicals back in my body, but I feel better. No more sweats, nausea, feeling like hammered shit. So what do I do? I take like two sips til the nausea subsides. I'm sorry - I feel like I am letting myself down & you guys, but at least it's not a 32 ounce it's the first sip I've had in 6 days. Plus I don't plan on going back to soft drinks at all. I think it's a combo of malnourishment, healing & detoxing.
One thing I've learned from all this is whatever your journey is - do what works for you. I now know that just juicing and just liquids isn't for me. Maybe if I didn't have to work, have a husband, etc. that would work for me. When I am able bodied - i.e. not sick, fatigued, blah blah blah I plan on hitting up the Paleo way of eating again. I LOVE juicing, but it'll be supplemental. I guess the one good thing of starving for almost a week is I am down 6 lbs. But I want a healthy & meaningful journey to my yoga body.
It's right around this weight that I seem to stall out. I hit a plateau & I know I am not at my ideal weight because it's all fat. I know too much fat on my body is not good. There's some kind of mind fuck going on at the 155 mark for me (my goal is to get to a healthy 125-130) lbs). Hmmmm....Well, I hope everyone is well. I'll see y'all on Sunday! xxoo - Asian
Anyway, I feel like a crack addict because I know the one thing that will make me not nauseous is a coke. If I drink a coke, then I put horrible chemicals back in my body, but I feel better. No more sweats, nausea, feeling like hammered shit. So what do I do? I take like two sips til the nausea subsides. I'm sorry - I feel like I am letting myself down & you guys, but at least it's not a 32 ounce it's the first sip I've had in 6 days. Plus I don't plan on going back to soft drinks at all. I think it's a combo of malnourishment, healing & detoxing.
One thing I've learned from all this is whatever your journey is - do what works for you. I now know that just juicing and just liquids isn't for me. Maybe if I didn't have to work, have a husband, etc. that would work for me. When I am able bodied - i.e. not sick, fatigued, blah blah blah I plan on hitting up the Paleo way of eating again. I LOVE juicing, but it'll be supplemental. I guess the one good thing of starving for almost a week is I am down 6 lbs. But I want a healthy & meaningful journey to my yoga body.
It's right around this weight that I seem to stall out. I hit a plateau & I know I am not at my ideal weight because it's all fat. I know too much fat on my body is not good. There's some kind of mind fuck going on at the 155 mark for me (my goal is to get to a healthy 125-130) lbs). Hmmmm....Well, I hope everyone is well. I'll see y'all on Sunday! xxoo - Asian
Tuesday, August 6, 2013
The Tex Files: Food As Fuel, Fool!
I am enjoying this little adventure into my health.
Since I lost my Big Girl Job two weeks ago I have been back part time at both of the fitness studios I that I used to work for. I work Saturdays at one of them and it's usually very long days. This week I thought I was being smart by taking some grub. Uh, not so much and here is where I got a big lesson in Food As Fuel.
Saturday morning I hopped up and made myself a smoothie. Ok, I tossed some fruit in with my protein shake and it kind of tasted like liquid ass but that is not the point. In my mind it was, "Look at me! I'm drinking breakfast!" Woot! I packed a sandwich, something to drink and some peanut butter crackers. I had half a sandwich at ten o'clock and the other at one o'clock and Dyson'd those crackers at three. NOT. ENOUGH. FUEL for the job that I was doing which is a ton of customer service that takes quite a bit out of me.
A friend had text me to come over after work she wanted to take me to eat. One thing led to another and my day got longer and longer and longer and the next thing I knew I was shaky and walking like Ed Lover. My boss had left to run an errand and my coworkers went all Drink Yer Juice on me. Ok maybe it wasn't THAT dramatic but I did get offers of candy AND juice! Anyway, my friend lives less than five minutes from the studio so when my boss came back I went there to "get it together." I felt stupid. My medical issues have escalated in the last 18 months. I know that there is a learning curve but I feel like some health short busser. Like I can't seem to ever "get it together."
Today I was back at the studio getting my resume together and my Best Friend IM'ed me to ask if I had eaten. I told her that I had and was even going to the grocery store to get food for the rest of the day. I am PMSing like a muther fucker and it's as hot as the devil's balls here in Houston. All I want is liquid and snack food. Best Friend congratulated me on being mindful of the grub but she also reminded me that I needed to eat full meal because, "...you get over emotional when you don't." <----THAT is an understatement. Like my mania, I don't know that I have gone too long without food until I am "over the crazy hump." By the time that I feel bad it's too late. My mind is mush, I can't think, I feel my body breaking down and then I break down. It's not a pretty sight to behold. Believe me.
Today, I smarten up and used my fancy pants phone for something more than Spotify. After every meal I set my stopwatch for three hours. Badda boom...badda bing...SCHEDULE! And wonders of wonders...no melt down and my day went off without a hitch.
I think I am finally getting this Food As Fuel thing. Eat enough to fuel my body for the task at hand. If I am sitting on my ass watching Real Housewives of Moscow, I need different fuel than if I am about to do an hour of Night Club Cardio. Plan ahead. People don't plan to fail they fail to plan. So if I know that I am going to be going balls to the wall all day, pack a snack and just like you are supposed to always know where the exits are...I am always to know when's my next meal. It's a very simple concept but I have to admit it's not easy.
Hook a sistah up in the comments with your favorite take along snack or how you space your meals. I could use the help.
Spanx in advance,
TX
PS: I was some kind of crazy when I said I was going to walk my neighborhood four times a week. It's almost midnight here and it's still close to 90 degrees. I'm going to have to pull out some dvd's or something until I can get back on my fitness plan.
Since I lost my Big Girl Job two weeks ago I have been back part time at both of the fitness studios I that I used to work for. I work Saturdays at one of them and it's usually very long days. This week I thought I was being smart by taking some grub. Uh, not so much and here is where I got a big lesson in Food As Fuel.
Saturday morning I hopped up and made myself a smoothie. Ok, I tossed some fruit in with my protein shake and it kind of tasted like liquid ass but that is not the point. In my mind it was, "Look at me! I'm drinking breakfast!" Woot! I packed a sandwich, something to drink and some peanut butter crackers. I had half a sandwich at ten o'clock and the other at one o'clock and Dyson'd those crackers at three. NOT. ENOUGH. FUEL for the job that I was doing which is a ton of customer service that takes quite a bit out of me.
A friend had text me to come over after work she wanted to take me to eat. One thing led to another and my day got longer and longer and longer and the next thing I knew I was shaky and walking like Ed Lover. My boss had left to run an errand and my coworkers went all Drink Yer Juice on me. Ok maybe it wasn't THAT dramatic but I did get offers of candy AND juice! Anyway, my friend lives less than five minutes from the studio so when my boss came back I went there to "get it together." I felt stupid. My medical issues have escalated in the last 18 months. I know that there is a learning curve but I feel like some health short busser. Like I can't seem to ever "get it together."
Today I was back at the studio getting my resume together and my Best Friend IM'ed me to ask if I had eaten. I told her that I had and was even going to the grocery store to get food for the rest of the day. I am PMSing like a muther fucker and it's as hot as the devil's balls here in Houston. All I want is liquid and snack food. Best Friend congratulated me on being mindful of the grub but she also reminded me that I needed to eat full meal because, "...you get over emotional when you don't." <----THAT is an understatement. Like my mania, I don't know that I have gone too long without food until I am "over the crazy hump." By the time that I feel bad it's too late. My mind is mush, I can't think, I feel my body breaking down and then I break down. It's not a pretty sight to behold. Believe me.
Today, I smarten up and used my fancy pants phone for something more than Spotify. After every meal I set my stopwatch for three hours. Badda boom...badda bing...SCHEDULE! And wonders of wonders...no melt down and my day went off without a hitch.
I think I am finally getting this Food As Fuel thing. Eat enough to fuel my body for the task at hand. If I am sitting on my ass watching Real Housewives of Moscow, I need different fuel than if I am about to do an hour of Night Club Cardio. Plan ahead. People don't plan to fail they fail to plan. So if I know that I am going to be going balls to the wall all day, pack a snack and just like you are supposed to always know where the exits are...I am always to know when's my next meal. It's a very simple concept but I have to admit it's not easy.
Hook a sistah up in the comments with your favorite take along snack or how you space your meals. I could use the help.
Spanx in advance,
TX
PS: I was some kind of crazy when I said I was going to walk my neighborhood four times a week. It's almost midnight here and it's still close to 90 degrees. I'm going to have to pull out some dvd's or something until I can get back on my fitness plan.
Sunday, August 4, 2013
Asian Jamaican: Invasive
So my surgery is considered minor surgery, but after 3 days I've been checking out my pie hole & it's pretty invasive. One of my stitches fell out today, but oddly enough I didn't spazz out & freak out. I tried weaning myself off my pain meds today, but that didn't work too well because I ended up taking 1.5 within a certain time frame & it knocked me out. Needless to say, I am just going to have to take 1 full pill til I run out. It makes smiling and talking really hard. They grafted from the roof of my mouth & then stitched it to my gum area. So the right side of my mouth is out commission :( I need to keep reminding myself that it actually was surgery & need to heal!
The good news is that I am losing weight from soups, juicing & potatoes. My overall guess is that at this point my calories are next to nothing. I do okay until around lunch time & then I lose my shit. I get really hot, sweat bullets, feel like my head is expanding and contracting, I get nauseated. So I drink something and it somewhat goes away. I really wish I knew someone who is an expert on detoxing because I feel that's what I am going through. I think meds are making me feel all fucked up too, but I've seen the inside of my mouth & am going to do whatever it takes to heal healthfully! I am not going through this again, BUT I am grateful it is giving me the chance to reboot. Let go of sugar, dairy, gluten. I haven't chewed anything in a little over 3 days. I really think I may give this juicing thing a go for longer than a week.
My skin is still very itchy! I was up til 3 am itching. WTF? Yeah..I hope I fall asleep right away this time when I take my meds. And the skin on my face is not supple yet. It's kind of dried out with these little bumps over it. It doesn't look like acne, but I am not sure what it is.
No exercise still, just a lot of rest and fluids. I am super duper tired right now, but I am steaming my broccoli & cauliflower so I can make a mash up of healthy food. Ok, signing out. Asian.
The good news is that I am losing weight from soups, juicing & potatoes. My overall guess is that at this point my calories are next to nothing. I do okay until around lunch time & then I lose my shit. I get really hot, sweat bullets, feel like my head is expanding and contracting, I get nauseated. So I drink something and it somewhat goes away. I really wish I knew someone who is an expert on detoxing because I feel that's what I am going through. I think meds are making me feel all fucked up too, but I've seen the inside of my mouth & am going to do whatever it takes to heal healthfully! I am not going through this again, BUT I am grateful it is giving me the chance to reboot. Let go of sugar, dairy, gluten. I haven't chewed anything in a little over 3 days. I really think I may give this juicing thing a go for longer than a week.
My skin is still very itchy! I was up til 3 am itching. WTF? Yeah..I hope I fall asleep right away this time when I take my meds. And the skin on my face is not supple yet. It's kind of dried out with these little bumps over it. It doesn't look like acne, but I am not sure what it is.
No exercise still, just a lot of rest and fluids. I am super duper tired right now, but I am steaming my broccoli & cauliflower so I can make a mash up of healthy food. Ok, signing out. Asian.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
Asian Jamaican: Hooray!
Ladies-y'all have brightened my day!! I am with both you on the detox thing. I had oral surgery Thursday at high noon and have been on soft foods since. I have been juicing and at most eating mashed potatoes. Healing from surgery + detoxing + PMS is the makings of a homicidal maniac, but I am persevering because 1) I want to 2) DJ & Tex are doing it too!!!
I haven't weighed myself since surgery & probably won't until after I get back on solid foods. I am in some sort of masochistic way happy that I am being forced to drink vegetables & fruit so my body can reap the benefits. Definitely no exercise for at least a week. Oh & I can't have solid food til this coming Thursday, but I might stick with the juicing if I can handle it for another week or at least until I get my stitches out.
Not much else going on here. I wish I had money for 3 juicers at one time. I love my new juicer, but it makes such small quantities. Oh & Vicodin makes me itch!! It's so weird...I feel like a meth head that is tweaking and has to scratch everywhere.
Anyway, I am PROUD of my SISTERS!!! We got this ladies!!! LOVE YOU!!!
Asian
I haven't weighed myself since surgery & probably won't until after I get back on solid foods. I am in some sort of masochistic way happy that I am being forced to drink vegetables & fruit so my body can reap the benefits. Definitely no exercise for at least a week. Oh & I can't have solid food til this coming Thursday, but I might stick with the juicing if I can handle it for another week or at least until I get my stitches out.
Not much else going on here. I wish I had money for 3 juicers at one time. I love my new juicer, but it makes such small quantities. Oh & Vicodin makes me itch!! It's so weird...I feel like a meth head that is tweaking and has to scratch everywhere.
Anyway, I am PROUD of my SISTERS!!! We got this ladies!!! LOVE YOU!!!
Asian
Thursday, August 1, 2013
The Tex Files: Shit Just Got Real
Today was my official start day. And it was rough. Not so much with the food. I made sure that something was in my pie hole every three hours or so. It was rough because I had to play against type and put myself first. I had to say, "No" and mean it and I had to hold my ground when I wanted to fall apart.
There is a line in the movie Wit that says, "The effort must be total for the reward to be meaningful." Today my effort was total and though I am heartbroken and have heartburn I am banking on waking up tomorrow and creating a meaning life. This I know...is what I deserve.
I will now cry myself to sleep.
There is a line in the movie Wit that says, "The effort must be total for the reward to be meaningful." Today my effort was total and though I am heartbroken and have heartburn I am banking on waking up tomorrow and creating a meaning life. This I know...is what I deserve.
I will now cry myself to sleep.
DJ Meli Mel: Still Alive
I'm still here Asian Jamaican! I won't leave you hanging.
I started back on track Monday and felt like total shit until today. I had headaches, dizziness, and I was extremely grumpy. Detoxing ain't no joke! Feeling so bad after only being off plan for a few days has helped me not want to stray. I have not been getting in my workouts but that's because I've been feeling so bad. I'm looking forward to getting back to running. I feel like I'm dying while doing it, but always feel amazing after. I miss it!
I started back on track Monday and felt like total shit until today. I had headaches, dizziness, and I was extremely grumpy. Detoxing ain't no joke! Feeling so bad after only being off plan for a few days has helped me not want to stray. I have not been getting in my workouts but that's because I've been feeling so bad. I'm looking forward to getting back to running. I feel like I'm dying while doing it, but always feel amazing after. I miss it!
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