A little Perspective can go a Long Way

I had a great talk the other day with my brother.  He's such a great big brother - we're very close and at least talk weekly.  Sometimes we talk daily depending on what's going on in our lives.  It's funny because in my other blog I ended it with thinking about eating Paleo & then never blogged again.  Well, I told my bro about it & he basically blazed the path to eat that way & then I just followed.  Anyway, he's the healthiest I've ever seen him.  Two weekends ago he went to Big Bend with his bestie & they hiked at least 20 miles.  However, he has decided for the first time in about 1.5 years to have a full on cheat weekend including beer & good old country cooking.  He said it tasted great, but it put him back 7 lbs.  SEVEN pounds?  He was all bloated and felt a bit sluggish.  My point?!?!?  It only took 3-4 days for him to start undoing all of his accomplishments & lifestyle.  If it only took him 3-4 days, what can just ONE meal do to someone like me?!?!?!  Talk about perspective...

My acid reflux has been pretty bad too.  I haven't been adhering to my protocol.  I can't figure out what's going on with me.  Hmmmm....Anyway, just going on.  OH!  No more novelty classes either.  I tried a trapeze class & it jacked my back up again :(.   So I am almost back at square one with that.  I am only going to concentrate on food from here on out until I drop below 150.  I seem to have horrible back problems at that point.

Hope everyone is well.  Smooches!  AJ

How Asian Got Her Groove Back!

So we all had a long weekend - I literally had 5 days off work.  For part of that time I was totally effing off with my food & then My Higher Self started talking to me.  She literally won't shut up until I get the message.  Of course it involved my eating & being healthy.  At this point, I am past my surgery and have no excuses to not follow through for me.  OKAY Higher Self-I hear you & I feel ya!!!!

Today is day 3 of strict Paleo (ok...i had like 10 peanut m&m's cuz my boss dropped them on my desk - literally).  I've been a bit fatigued, BUT I am feeling better :) :) :)  By now I should be beyond homicidal & killing everything that crosses my path (I am completely PMSn'g), but I am getting pretty even keel.  Still fighting with my acid reflux, but I believe it takes time to heal....

I am so digging this chick's website.  She is soooooooooooooo my Paleo speed.  She actually has exchanged emails with me & can I say that SUPPORT makes ME HAPPY!!!  Someone I've never even met is there for questions.  Feeling lots of gooey warm love.  So my starting weight is 163 & I don't plan on weighing myself until three weeks from September 3rd which is....the 24th?  I'm not good at math.  Let's nail me down for the 24th shall we?  At least be down a pant/dress size.

Not just stalking the interwebs, but also reading these two books.  I finished this one a couple of days ago.  Rereading this one right now

Ok...so I am becoming very insular & cocooning myself.  At first I thought I'd get in trouble for that, but thinking about it why shouldn't I?  I have every right to want to be healthy & focus on me only to emerge that amazingly healthy beautiful butterfly.  As a matter of fact, something I've been kicking around & will probably never do is quit my job to stay home & just cook all these yummy Paleo recipes I've come across lately.  Ok, checking in & now I am out!!!

Peace!!!

AJ

PS-If you haven't had young Thai coconut water, you are missing out!!!  Delish!!!!

The Tex Files: No news is good news

My icebox is on the fritz and I am waiting for my landlord to replace old yeller. So grocery shopping has been a challenge. I am getting creative and have a game of it. It's fun going to the store to see what I can eat that is good for me, not chock full of preservatives, is on my eating plan and doesn't require the chiller drawer.

I got a new pair of walking shoes, my FitFlex is coming soon and after a visit to the doctor I will know what I can and cannot blend in my Nutribullet! Whoo to the fitness hoo!

AJ: Diagnosis Acid Reflux

I made it to my dr. & HOORAY!  I have a diagnosis...acid reflux, just as I suspected.  The thing I love about my dr. is that she is an M.D. that also practices naturopathic remedies.  So she gave me an enzyme to use before I eat & then probiotics to get the good flora back into my gut.

Interestingly enough, she said I was the second patient she had within the past two weeks who had oral surgery & then got acid reflux.  Food-wise, she told me that I can't eat raw foods (which I am fine with right now because I don't really like salad anyway).  I asked her if I could juice & she said 'YES! because it takes out all the rough stuff.'  Basically my stomach can't handle heavy meals & roughage so I have to be very delicate with my food for now.  She also said it will be a gradual healing process.  If I'm not better in a month, then call her.  BUT-I am SO HAPPY to have an answer.  I don't feel like I am suffering alone anymore inside my head----->I'm not crazy afterall :).  Wit woo!!!!  Happy Dance!!!!

That is all for now!  PEACE!

AJ

The Tex Files: Overcoming the Mind Fuck

There is a saying in coaching circles, "As you help others you help yourself." Last week I was chatting with a friend when I said, "You just really need to get over the mind fuck that you are not worthy of the super sassy sexy body you desire and the life that goes with it."

Mind. Blown.

Right now I am getting over my own mind fuck. I am getting over making poor choices and deciding that I am worthy of making better choices. More than that I am embracing the fact that I can move safely within this world and no longer need the buffer of blubber around my body.

Getting it together,
~Tex

Dj Meli Mel: Checking In

So, I haven't checked in for a while so I want to give an update. I'm doing really good. I actually look forward to my morning workouts now. I can't wait to see my total calories burned when I finish. My weight kind of dropped last week. It had been hovering and just like the bottom fell out, my weight dropped. That in itself has been enough motivation for me to keep going.

Now don't think this is easy! I'm doing my best with food. Weekends are still kind of a train wreck but I can see small improvements. I did a little better this past weekend but I'm still far from perfect. Small changes add up to big changes. My goal is to just keep getting better each week!

Asian Jamaican: Embarrassment

Today is the first time I've skipped a family function because I am embarrassed that my no no bad fat isn't gone from my body.  My cousin had a baby & the Bris was today.  I didn't want to go & have to hide under clothes & pretend to be okay with being there while I am self conscious.  Now I KNOW I could be way worse off in terms of body shape & how far I have to go, but I just couldn't do it today.  After being nauseated for the past two weeks & not being able to get my groove on with food the way I want to, I just couldn't be social.

I finally started back at yoga - which I really like.  I just like the way it makes me feel.  I sometimes get a wee bit jealous when I see/hear someone talk about how they got their hardcore workout on, but I have to remember that Yoga is where my body is right now.  I'm okay with that.  I'm okay with it because I can feel everything on my body get tight.  It's exciting & something to look forward to!

Again, food has been a bit fail & all over the place.  I can eat & be okay for a little while & then feel sick again.  I had to go through and reread people's journeys on Paleo and how they had flu like symptoms up until 2.5-3 weeks.  I've been through this, but I literally become non-functional when I go into fat burning mode.  The only thing that makes me feel good is the bad stuff, but I am doing that in moderation mixed in with the good.  I Really hope the universe is swinging my way.  I am usually a really good manifester, but I am feeling a little lopsided. 

Talk to ya soon.

AJ

The Tex Files: Info Overload

Have any of you experience this? You are tell someone that you are getting healthy. They then proceed to tell you everything that you need to do, eat, follow and swallow?

Ugh. So. Annoying.

How do you deal with this? I want to be polite, but I also want to find my way.

Late last week I found myself crazy busy. Went to some crazy cajun places for dinner with a friend and paid for that fried catfish the next day. The following day food still didn't seem appealing so I got a big ass smoothie to sip on throughout the morning. Someone asked if that was all I was eating, I said it was for the moment. The next twelve minutes was a health debate between no less than six people. I wasn't in a position to tell them all to shut their pie holes (they were clients), but at this point I am still learning, I need to find my own way. What worked for you, may not work for me. However, I clearly know that what I have done in the past didn't work, so don't think that I think I am Ms. Smartypants.

Anyhoo, that is what I have been up to.

Word to your Mother (Nature)
~Tex

Asian Jamaican: This is Hard

So like this shit's hard.  Ever since my surgery, everything I eat makes me sick to my stomach.  I think because I went uber healthy with the juicing & then started eating solid food, it has messed something severely up in my digestive system.  I hate this!!!  I would give ANYTHING to stop feeling sick.  Even drinking water makes me want to hurl.  NO I AM NOT PREGNANT - don't even think it.  I can't seem to find the right balance with my food as of yet & it's very frustrating for me because all I want to do is move forward.

Sigh...just truckin' along trying to figure out what my body wants me to do.  Btw...my glutes are super sore from that yoga class on Monday.  Anyway, that's it for now.

AJ

The Tex Files: Believing is Seeing

We all know the old saying, "Seeing is believing." In Law of Attraction circles you have to believe that something is possible before you can see the manifestation of it. You have to believe it to be true and your belief coupled with action makes your goal possible.

I am having trouble seeing myself healthy. It has been so long since I have been at a healthy weight with minimal health issues that I can't even imagine what that looks like. This makes me sad.

The good news is that I know in my heart that I can create the vision of the best possible me and then work towards that vision.

I guess what I am saying is that the vision is there...it's just out of focus.

Working towards clarity,
Tex

Asian: OMGWTFBBQSAUCE???

OMG-I've been living in serious denial for a long time.  I was getting ready to take a shower this morning & caught a glimpse of my right arm in the mirror...I did a double take & realized that I have bat wings, grandma arms, whatever...I kind of knew I had them & my right arm is worse because I had shoulder surgery & ever since then the muscle tone hasn't been the same.  Anyway, what I caught a true glimpse of was what kind of fat was hanging out in there.  I literally got sick, repulsed & almost threw up.  I could see the yellow of my fat in a certain area - you know, the kind you see when people have plastic surgery & they cut out the skin & flip it over & you see the yellow nasty fat.  All I can say is that I am sick just writing this.  

I see myself every day, but this really hit home.  That unhealthy fat is NOT supposed to be on my body.  Not for aesthetic reasons, but for just pure health.  Ugh...So I feel like today was my Aha moment (as Tex had mentioned).  No cupcake, junk food, coke or anything is worth feeling & looking this way.  I had a really good lunch date with Tex today & we hit on a lot of the emotional/mental aspect of my life and well, baby steps.  But, I feel encouraged & believed in :)  That is worth the feelings of detox and cleansing my body.  

So, my weekend was kind of a bust in regards to food, but I went to yoga this morning & it literally was like the first time I took Crossfit & I almost threw up.  I tried a new studio for convenience, but I am going to sign up at the one I like. I STILL feel sick. I am not drinking a damn coke though!!!!  BAT Motherfucking Wings BEGONE....Along with the rest of the unhealthy fat....

I hope everyone is well.  XXOO Asian

AJ's Food Journal

I am just going to keep one long post & write every day in it.  That way our blog doesn't get clogged up with daily food journaling.

Saturday, August 17th, 2013

• Breakfast:
• 1 organic banana
• 1 cup of organic coffee, 1 tbsp of organic sugar, 1 splash of organic 2% milk

So I totally would have posted  more, but my internet has been down for two days now - Thanks Comcast! Let me start over again.

Sunday, August 18th, 2013

• Breakfast
• 1 organic banana
• 1 cup organic coffee, 1 tbsp of organic sugar, 1 splash of organic 2% milk

Monday, August 19th, 2013

• Breakfast
• Same damn cup of coffee
• Snack (Post Yoga)
• Strawberry/Spinach/Apple/Pinapple Juice
• Lunch
• Tuna salad from Field of Greens
• Iced Tea
• Dinner
• Greek Salad from Zoe's Kitchen (darnit-it has milk in it, but NO Gluten)
• Also, I did not eat the pita bread that came with it
• Iced Tea

Tuesday, August 20th, 2013

• Breakfast
• Strawberries
• Same cup of coffee
• Lunch
• Chicken Greek Salad

• Side note - It made me sick (I think it's the egg in the dressing)   
•  

• Snacks
• Strawberries                 

•  Dinner
• Veggie fried rice + Green Japanese Salad

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

• Breakfast
• Strawberries
• Coffee
• Lunch
• Chicken Soup (I was SO PISSED about my lunch - it tasted like soap.  I HATE my dishwasher.  Either the pot I cooked everything in or the tupperware I warmed it up in had soap resin in it)
• Dinner
• Elevation burger with cheese, lettuce, onion, pickle & Ketchup.  This was not gluten free, but I really needed some food today.  I was feeling sick all day & needed something more substantial.  The cool thing is that Elevation burger uses all 100% organic grass fed beef.  Check 'em out! 

Monday, September 9th, 2013

• Breakfast 
•  just young thai coconut water
• snack was coffee with organic half & half & a tbls of organic sugar
• Lunch
• Two eggs fried in organic butter + gluten free clean breakfast sauage
• Dinner
• FOUND AN AWESOME RESTAURANT WITH PALEO MEALS
• I had the turkey bolognese with spaghetti squash & my hubby had their paleo hot wings.  YUM

The Tex Files: The Hunger Games

I find that I ask myself, "Am I hungry?" several times a day. I have have done my best to eat every few hours but every now and then there is a rumbly in my tummy and I ask, "Am I hungry?"

What I find odd is that many times I AM indeed hungry and it's during those times that I have to give myself permission to eat something. I have stood in my kitchen and said out loud, "Yes, Tex this is hunger. It's ok to eat." I think that is chock full of nuts and source material for LifeTime Movies. However I have done some poking around the inter webs and it's seems that you are SUPPOSED to ask yourself if you are hungry before you get your grub on! Who knew?

I have no idea if I have lost any weight. The stress of my life has kind of gotten to me. I will say this: being focused on my health has kept me sane and for that I am grateful.

Go get your health on!
Tex

Asian Jamaican: Revisiting Whole Foods

First of all, it's Wednesday & I still haven't had my 34 (I don't know why I didn't put 32) oz of water.  But, I am not going to kick myself for it.  I am going through everything that DJ & Tex have been talking about: Feeling a little entitled, getting off routine, not being prepared.  Oh Lawd, I need to get rid of the entitlement and get on my routine by being prepared.  I will say this, for once I am not beating myself up for what I would consider failure.  The magic is in my mental state of being.  Something really resonated & clicked for me in my call with Tex.  My energy levels have been surprisingly good.  I haven't felt good energy in a really long time.  I can't even begin to express how grateful I am to have her as a coach :)!  

I am getting back to eating whole foods.  I had about two cups of raspberries for breakfast & two bananas for my morning snack.  Dinner/lunch wasn't as healthy, but I felt really good with the whole food breakfast.  I am beginning to gravitate towards what my body feels it needs which is fruits & veggies with some protein thrown in there.  When I first started my journey to lose 50 lbs last year, I was strictly Paleo.  But now I feel like if it grows out of the ground, swims, flies or runs I eat it.  If I want a freaking banana I eat it.  Too much sugar?  Really?  A 32 oz coke is too much sugar!  I am wrastling with getting my eating down first.  That will come to fruition by this weekend - promise!!!

Here is how I envision my days as far as food goes:

     Wake up - drink water

      Make a juice or eat a ton of fruit

     Lunch will be a homemade chicken soup or something with good protein

      In between will be green juices

      Light dinner

I can survive on that.  Oh-I'll also eat when I am hungry.  I don't believe in starving myself.  

So I figured out what's going to get me on routine.  I have to have my place of serenity in my home.  The reason I haven't gotten everything down at the moment is I am busy cleaning up my condo & creating a sacred space for me to be in.  I am about 95% done & plan on being finished by this weekend.  SO EXCITED.  Then I can just focus on cooking & prepping for my days!!!  

I have to wait til the 15th to sign up for yoga because that's when I get paid.  One thing I am excited about is I am taking a trapeze class in September!!  I contacted one of my friends who is already taking from this place & she said she wanted to pick up another class.  So lo & behold we will be trapeze artists <insert mad giggling>!

I got my stitches out today & have to go back to the periodontist on October 16th.  That's two months from now & I want to make a dent in my goals by then.  Good health = good healthy gums, eh?

Ok, sorry I tend to ramble.  I am so glad to see Tex & DJ Meli Mel forging ahead.  That too makes me want to push ahead.  We are so going to go forth & conquer!!!  xo Asian

Dj Meli Mel: Support

I have to confess. Today is the first day I have felt the support that writing this blog is all about. I'm not saying the support wasn't there, because it was. I just fully felt it today: twice.

First, I've been in a migraine fog since last night. I wasn't able to do my workout this morning because of the headache. All day I have been tired, a little grumpy, and just not myself. My typical solution to a day like this would be with food. My thoughts were hovering around a cupcake all afternoon. It was because of this blog and my goals that I stayed strong and chose to have a protein shake instead. This is a big step for me. I would normally just eat the damn cupcake. Lol

Second, I sat down to write my blog today and was reading through Tex and Asian Jamaican's posts and comments. I finally felt like I wasn't in this all by myself. I felt their struggles along with their hugs of support. The three of us don't live right around the corner from each other. We all have very busy lives. This blog is pretty much my only form of communication with them, aside from a random text here or there.

Maybe I should re-title this post to "Thank You" because I owe Tex and Asian Jamaican a big one. Thank you for being my friend. Thank you for including me in this journey. Thank you for your encouraging comments. Thank you for your support.

The Tex Files: My Body Is A Wonderland

I have been doing pretty well with the eating every few hours. (Yea Me!) I am still recovering from having blood clots in my lungs and tend to forget that at times.

I worked my part time job on Saturday and did a little too much. Took me all day Sunday and half of Monday to recover. Monday afternoon I popped in a workout dvd and was winded after the warm up. It made me sad. As I told my doctor a few weeks ago, "I may be a big girl, but I DO lead a very active lifestyle!" Or at least I did. Up until the blood clots I did Night Club Cardio,  I rode my bike, I could climb stairs and wash my hair without being winded and just went about the business of being Tex.

I was about to get frustrated when it dawned on me that my body has been put through the ringer and it's still here. It's. Still. Here.

I. Am. Still. Here.

It's been less than eight weeks since I was in the hospital. Am I slower than before? Yes, but who cares. I am still here. Do minor pains and aches pop up at unexpected times and places? Yes, but I am still here. All the hatred I had for my body for not looking or feeling how I feel it should is all just bullshit. My body is a wonderland, even if I am not the subject of epic poems or pop songs.

I think I finally get it.

So this was my Oprah, "A ha" moment. What was yours? When did you finally get it and started getting it together? Share and stuff!

Asian Jamaican - "How in the World are you Goin' to See, Laughing at Fools Like Me?"

I'm starting this post without a title per say because I have so much to say.  I hope everyone has carb loaded because I think this may be a long post.

I want to start this evening with my Goals - Weekly & Long Term.
  -This Week's Goal: My goal this week is to drink 34 oz's of water a day
                      -I don't drink enough of anything, so getting in 34 oz's is going to be a bump up for me
  -Long Term: My goals long term are....

1. Overall Health 
2. Drop Body Fat - Actually MELT it off my body
3. Strengthen my muscles
4. Lean Out

I'm sure my Long Term Goals will evolve & change, but I am just working for the Yoga Body!  Moving on...Friday I went to my periodontist because the stitches in my mouth were acting wonky.  He told me I am healing well & actually took the stitches out of the roof of my mouth which in turn released a lot of pressure in my mouth & my gums are finally stopping to ache.  The swelling went down significantly and I am finally feeling like a normal human being.  However, since my body was multi-tasking with healing, detoxing & being flooded with medicine my taste buds have gone bland.  Everything tastes very weird.  More about that in a later post.

So something else I want to talk about is the mental aspect of losing weight.  I was at one point in time a personal fitness trainer & a good one at that.  I had some really shitty experiences throughout my working experience and got very disillusioned with the industry & just quit.  Having said all that, I never experienced the mental aspect of weight gain/loss until I gained weight.  Since around February of this year, some crazy shit went down in my life which turned out to be one of the best things that happened to me - BUT I don't handle stress/life's surprises very well and I started gaining weight again.  I call it survival, but it's not an excuse.  Anyway, I am grateful for the friends I have because if it weren't for the close friends I do have I think I would be stuck in a perpetual state of <in the words of Tex> cock blocking my blessings.

This past Friday, Tex & I had an amazing coaching call.  Did Y'all Know TEX is a Law of Attraction Coach in training?  And a Really Really GOOD one at that.  I don't think she realizes her talent to its fullest extent because it just comes naturally to her.  I asked her if we could talk a little bit before she started recording my call & Boy HOWDY did the tears flow from eyes.  Poor Tex - I don't think she's ever heard me blubber on like that.  I was having a really hard time with processing disappointment coupled with expectations because I am by nature a sensitive person & sometimes I feel all alone because no one really understands that I feel 10 times more than the average person.  The feelings I go through is in all aspects for me mentally, emotionally & physically.  She helped me center myself and then we started our call.  We did an exercise with scripting where I scripted out how I am to reach my YOGA BODY status :D.  What we came up with is I need a routine.  I remember DJ Meli Mel talked about that & I am getting right on board with her.  Without it, I am ALL over the place.  So we ended our call & I felt so light, calm, LOVED and a sense of direction.  I am so grateful that our call happened.  So grateful...

The BEST PART OF MY CALL WITH TEX is the dream I had that night.  Instant Karma by John Lennon was playing & I kept seeing flashes of people achieving their goals making the world a better place.  Then towards the end of the song I walked into a huge classroom setting & John Lennon was standing there circa 1980 with longish hair & a beard and he smiled at me.  Full eye contact and smiled.  I woke up smiling.  I can't remember the last time that happened.  I think this was twofold because remember when Nike used this song for their commercials?  Just Do It Man...Let's all get off our asses & Just Do It!  (By the way, did y'all know I am a High Maintenance Hippie Princess?)

I hope this wasn't too long.  So the Title of this Post is a lyric ripped from John Lennon's Instant Karma.  Anyway - Peace & Love & Don't forget to Smile!  Asian

DJ Meli Mel: Blah

I have been very blah for the past week. I got two workouts in and did ok on my food but still not great. On the bright side, I haven't given up yet. Gotta celebrate the small victories.

I have noticed my biggest struggles are with dinner and weekends. I do good with my food all day but then I get to dinner and I want to eat junk. For some reason I have the mindset that I "deserve" to eat junk on the weekends. I'm not sure where this feeling of entitlement has come from but it's really fucking me up!

Next week I want to really try to get daily exercise. This is tough with an almost 4 year old but I have to stop making excuses. I only have a couple more weeks before my little guy goes back to preschool. He only goes three days a week but it will be amazing to have that time to workout with no worries.

I will find my way!

DJ Meli Mel

The Tex Files: That's What He Said

As a woman of size I am acutely aware of food. Where it is. How much there is. If anyone is watching me eat etc. People tell me that I am paranoid but it's not paranoia if it's true!

Last week (before I got the Food As Fuel thing) I spent the day with a girlfriend running big girl errands like getting the car inspected and going to court. I got up early, ran to the bank and picked up a smoothie. I didn't carry my big ass tote so I didn't have my snacks but that was ok...I had a plan. Yeah, my plan went to shit and there I was sweating and starving at the tax assessors office trying my hardest not to pass out before my number was called and my friend had to call 911. I didn't pass out but I did get my car registered! As soon as we left the tax assessors office we walked across the street and I got a Naked Protein shake and beef stick. All I heard was my friend KFlo in my ear saying, "Bitch, get you some protein!" Downed the shake and the shakes were gone so off we went to lunch.

Lunch was at a neighborhood sandwich shop that is know for their large portion. I only ate half my sandwich (portion control, baby!) but I had just downed a shake and went at the beef stick as if it was the last piece of beef I'd ever have in my mouth. (Get your minds out of the gutter lol.) Anywhoo, later we'd ended up meeting a guy friend of mine and I gave him the other half of my big ass sandwich. We all hung out for a bit, took my girlfriend home and then several hours later me and dude were chilling at a burger joint. He ordered this massive chicken fried steak burger. I had a grilled cheese. He ate his burger with, uh lets say gusto while I practiced my dainty bites and chewing my food 38 times. This is where it get uncomfortable.

This guy has been in my life on and off for over 25 years. He was my high school boyfriend. He knows me with a capital K and bold face n-o-w-e-s. So we have that kind of bust your balls friendship but still I was taken aback when he asked, "Are you starving yourself?"

Aww, shit. Really? "Uh, no. Why are you asking? Quite rudely I may add."

"Tex, I am not being rude. I'm asking because you gave me half of your lunch and now you are picking at a grilled cheese. You nearly died from that crazy diet. Remember?! I'm just making sure that you don't die. Eat for Christ sakes." It's true, he wasn't being rude. There was genuine concern in his voice and I saw it in his eyes. He was just looking out for me, like he always does. Still it made nervous that he noticed and even more so that he just blurted his concern out. I know that I should be grateful that I have people in my life who care but still...

So what I want to know from you guys is this: Am I a hypersensitive food freak or do people in general take notice of how and what you eat? Especially if you announced to your loved ones that you are on a "diet" or some other lifestyle change?

Holla if you hear me,
Tex

PS: Me and the food schedule are doing well. Patting myself on the back with THAT ONE. Stopwatch was an epic idea :-)

Asian Jamaican: I feel like a crack addict

Day 6.5 of no solids- this shit hasn't gotten any better.  I had ONE surgery and feel like healing is going so slowly.  I have been nauseous for the past three days & I still can't tell if it's detox, not enough nourishment, I just don't know.  I don't know How you did it DJ Meli Mel, but I admire your strength more than you can imagine.  I'm so sorry you had to go through all that for the past two years.  I almost feel ashamed to complain about mine.  But alas, it is my life right here right now.

Anyway, I feel like a crack addict because I know the one thing that will make me not nauseous is a coke.  If I drink a coke, then I put horrible chemicals back in my body, but I feel better.  No more sweats, nausea, feeling like hammered shit.  So what do I do?  I take like two sips til the nausea subsides.  I'm sorry - I feel like I am letting myself down & you  guys, but at least it's not a 32 ounce it's the first sip I've had in 6 days.  Plus I don't plan on going back to soft drinks at all.  I think it's a combo of malnourishment, healing & detoxing. 

One thing I've learned from all this is whatever your journey is - do what works for you.  I now know that just juicing and just liquids isn't for me.  Maybe if I didn't have to work, have a husband, etc. that would work for me.  When I am able bodied - i.e. not sick, fatigued, blah blah blah I plan on hitting up the Paleo way of eating again.  I LOVE juicing, but it'll be supplemental.  I guess the one good thing of starving for almost a week is I am down 6 lbs.  But I want a healthy & meaningful journey to my yoga body. 

It's right around this weight that I seem to stall out.  I hit a plateau & I know I am not at my ideal weight because it's all fat.  I know too much fat on my body is not good.  There's some kind of mind fuck going on at the 155 mark for me (my goal is to get to a healthy 125-130) lbs).  Hmmmm....Well, I hope everyone is well.  I'll see y'all on Sunday!  xxoo - Asian